Fear Discombobulated

 Fear Discombobulated

If you thought you were a little uneasy about the state of the world these days, try on some of these fearful burdens that we humans carry around. Just remember, unless you have a bear in your backyard, fear is mostly in your head. A bumper sticker I’ve seen says it: “Don’t believe everything you think.” The following is an attempt at humor. While lightening up in my life, I’ve found that humor helps to thaw the iciest anxiety, as does honesty, opening-up and sharing one’s fears with a compassionate person, such as a therapist. Here are some dilemmas phobic people might face...

If you have alektorophobia (fear of chickens) and agyiophobia (fear of crossing the street), should you avoid the chicken crossing the street by crossing to the other side - scary - or stand your ground, face your fear of the chicken, and dispute with him why he had to cross to your side?

If you have blennophobia (fear of dirt) and ablutophobia (fear of bathing), should you shrink-wrap yourself?

If you have arachibutyrophobia (fear of peanut butter adhering to the roof of one’s mouth), should you cut in half the “pb” in your “pb and j” sandwiches, and double the “j”?

If you have paralipophobia (fear of neglecting responsibility) and ergophobia (fear of work), should you quit your job, move to Vegas, and call playing poker for a living a game, not work. 

If you have aichmorhabdophobia (fear of sticks) and linophobia (fear of string), should you give up being a fisherman?

If you have nyctohylophobia (fear of the dark, especially dark woods) and phengophobia (fear of the light), should you move to a place where it’s neither dark nor light, just foggy all the time with few trees - London, maybe?

If you have gnosiophobia (fear of the facts), should you run for President, like Trump?

If you have achievemephobia (fear of success) and kakorrhaphiophobia (fear of failure), should you just procrastinate, that is, sit and contemplate your navel all day? Except, of course, if you also have omphalophobia (fear of belly buttons). 

If you have gamophobia (fear of marriage) and soceraphobia (fear of the mother-in-law), should you just forget marriage and live together, but eat apart if you also have deipnophobia (fear of dinner conversation)?

If you do say “I do,” should you forget the reception if you also have ochlophobia (fear of crowds) or chorophobia (fear of dancing)?

If you have elurophobia (fear of cats), you may have something else to fear, mice.

If you have geliophobia (fear of laughter), don’t laugh. Just chuckle, giggle, or guffaw.

If you have hypophobia (fear of not being afraid), just own it: you’re afraid, until you realize that not being afraid is nothing to be afraid of...if that makes sense.

If you have categelophobia (fear of being ridiculed) or xanthophobia (fear of the word “yellow”), some of your condition will rub off on the bully’s nose when you punch him there. Keep doing it until your fear goes away.

If you have panophobia (fear of everything), it seems like you have what FDR was talking about when he said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Good luck with that.

If you could read this piece without undue anxiety, you’re at least not suffering from hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (fear of long words).

If you have iatrophobia (fear of doctors), refer to them not as docs, but as shrinks. If fear gets in your way of a satisfying life, get help! For me, it’s storming outside. I’m staying in bed until it stops. Think it might be my astraphobia (fear of thunderstorms)?

Seriously, a little therapy goes a long way to confront and overcome fear, and, thereby, to have a happy and fulfilling life.